


Tried to Eat, Tried to Sleep, Tried to Breathe

by harleybarley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Canon Compliant, Drabble, First War with Voldemort, M/M, Marauders, Monthly Wolfstar Drabble, Restless, Werewolves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27674857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harleybarley/pseuds/harleybarley
Summary: Written for the Monthly Wolfstar Drabble Challenge, using the prompt 'Restless'.Thank you to my amazing beta @signed_aj---It wasn’t the first time Remus had gone to the packs, but Sirius was never going to get used to the feeling.  The packs were incredibly dangerous, and Remus had no backup.He tried to eat, tried to sleep, tried to breathe.---Please please please leave feedback / comments / etc. :)
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23
Collections: Monthly Wolfstar Drabble Challenge, Wolfstar Drabbles





	Tried to Eat, Tried to Sleep, Tried to Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> The characters and the world belong to J.K. Rowling (despite her horrible comments, which I vehemently reject).
> 
> Please please please leave feedback / comments / etc. :)

Remus was with the werewolf packs for Dumbledore and the Order. Sirius was stuck in their flat that felt too small and too big all at once. Order security protocols. He was alone.

It wasn’t the first time Remus had gone to the packs, but Sirius was never going to get used to the feeling. The packs were incredibly dangerous, and Remus had no backup.

It was just like the feeling Sirius had gotten when he found out Regulus had taken the mark. Like he was constantly waiting for an owl to come with bad news. He waited while he tried to eat, while he tried to sleep, while he tried to breathe. 

Every movement out of the corner of his eye could be that owl. The one with the news. The one that would drop off its letter and fly away with his heart. 

He was always on edge, always braced for impact.

His body twitched with nerves constantly; he couldn’t force it to be still. There wasn’t enough to do with his hands. How did they usually stay busy all day?

He tried to eat, tried to sleep, tried to breathe. Just waiting.

Full moons with the packs were terrible. They had to be. Remus had refused to answer his questions or explain his injuries. That had been answer enough. 

It felt like the couch he was sitting on could explode at any moment. Like he needed to sit very still so it wouldn’t, but his skin crawled intensely, his instincts screaming danger.

His muscles ached to move, so his feet took him in circles around the apartment, their pattern changing constantly. Going everywhere and nowhere at the same time. 

His thoughts raced each other through his skull in painful circles. The bad ones always won.

The clock ticked loudly. Tick. Tick. Tick. Had it always been so loud? 

He tried to eat. Tried to sleep. Tried to breathe. Still waiting.

His whole body felt like a balloon being overinflated — struggling harder and harder to hold in the air. The pressure was rising. It was only a matter of time before it burst.

His skin was itching but couldn’t be scratched. 

And then it was over. The door of the flat opened and Remus was there, framed by the door. 

Relief washed over Sirius’s body like a hot shower on a cold day. 

“You’re home,” he breathed, scanning Remus for injuries while closing the distance between them so he could pull Remus in for a hug. 

He’d been at their flat the entire time, but now he was actually home.

Everything stopped, the twitching, aching, and itching. The thoughts in his mind finally called their race a draw. 

Remus nodded into his shoulder before pulling back to press their lips together, humming into their kiss softly.

“I missed you,” Remus whispered.

“I’ve missed you too.” 

It was over, at least until the next time.


End file.
